religious meanderings of the mind

Posted on February 11th, 2006 by Jeremy.
Categories: Religion.

You know I’ve never seen Breakin 2 : Electric Boogaloo?

And this is sad since I was a big fan of the first Breakin (and before you say anything - yes I did see Van Damme as an extra in the film YEAAAARRRSSS ago, so don’t try and enlighten me).

What does this have to do with anything. It doesn’t.

Some religious mumblings below.

I was having coffee (yes, I did!) last night with a friend and an acquaintance. Nice time. We talked about where we’ve been, where we are going. Love, relationships, careers, it really seemed to run the gamut (sp?) of conversational topics.

I always seem to want to start Religous blogs with the disclaimer that “I’m religious” as if you didn’t know that. And by religious I mean that I have a very real belief that there was this guy named Jesus, that did and said exactly what the eyewitnesses in the Bible said he did. I find him to be this amazing radical that in 3 years changed the entire world, and that his thoughts and words are wholly reliable. I also believe he is the Son of God and died to allow me to have a relationship with God (which he is a part of). On the face of it, some people look at me and tell me I’m too rational to believe in such far fetched matter, but alas, they would be wrong.

Anywhooo - I go to church and all my life have hung out in the “church culture”. I have been to many a meetings, a special service here, a special service there, and if I don’t go I have a tendancy to feel a bit of guilt because i’m not participating. I’m trying to overcome that. Because it’s not the church that is giving me that feeling. More often than not in my own life it is “ME” that is giving me these feelings. It has to do with my own insecurities, my own feeling that I need to don a cape and become some superman, not for God but for those around me.

You see, I have THE most fragile ego. I reallllly care what other people think about me. So much so that I am afraid to reveal my “true” self to those around me.

That in itself sounds so amazingly self righteous and blazingly egocentric that I have to pause and tell you that I not only feel that way but I feel like I’m a piece of crap for thinking that.

As one man told me “You are the piece of S#@$! that the world revolves around” This egocentric self loathing.

“God pays no attention to what others say (or what you think) about you. He makes up his own mind.” Romans 2:11

Thank goodness he doesn’t, because my delusional paranoia has people saying the most outrageous things.

It’s as if I think I’m Superman, except that I only am saving people for public opinion and not because it’s the “right” thing to do.

This of course is what I’m feeling at the moment and probably will change in .5 seconds. This is not an attempt to illicit some “atta boys” and pats on the back assuring me that I’m actually a good guy. I know I am, it’s just a ramble.

“Ro 12:2 - Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

This was just a way for me to vent. I get wrapped up in my own brain an awful lot and it spirals out of control with insecurities, ideas and solutions.

Psalm 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God”. And that’s where I’m at right now. Knowing that everything is A-OK, and that any insecurities and any problems I have facing the world doesn’t mean that I am missing out on anything. If anything it means that I am being precisely what I was made to be. A human being with foibles and needs that can be helped by a loving creator, great friends and relatives that love me.

I guess now that I’ve jotted it all down I just feel good that I’m here. Counting the blessings that I have (and I have alot, it’s immense).

Alright I’m done

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